Jeff Foxworthy on Missouri

Some of this could apply to Arkansas too, except for the snow!

(SAD, but TRUE!!!!!!)

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Missouri.

If someone in a store offers you assistance & they don't work there, you might live in Missouri.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Missouri.

If you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Missouri.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Missouri.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Missouri.


1. Vacation means going east or west on I-70 for the weekend but you never leave the state.

2. You measure distance in days.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again.

5. You Drive 65 mph through a raging blizzard, without flinching.

6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car and know how to use them.

9. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

11. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road construction, & It's Hot.

12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to a blue spruce.

13. "Down south" means the boot hill of Missouri.

14. A brat is something you eat.

15. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.

16. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday.

17. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

18. You find 0 degrees a "little chilly."

19. You know the difference between corn and soy beans at a glance.

20. The #1 reason you are from Missouri is because you know that East St. Louis is not in Missouri.

21. A "hill" is any landmass higher than 20 feet above sea level.

22. You never drive anywhere within 20 miles of home without their being road construction.

23. You don't believe it until you see it.

24. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Missouri friends.

What's not to understand?