Whether passing through or coming for a visit, there are a few things the visitor to Omaha should know in order to have a safe and enjoyable trip.
First, you must learn to pronounce the city name correctly. It is "oh - ma - ha," not "oh - ma - haw."
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
1. At a 4-way stop, the truck with the loudest exhaust goes first.
2. To find anything in Omaha, it is required that you know where 72nd & Dodge is. It is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End of all directions.
3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
5. Construction is a permanent fixture in Omaha. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
6. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been accidentally activated.
7. Never honk at anyone. Ever. . . Seriously.
8. The JFK Freeway, MLK Freeway, I-480 and US-75 are four names for the same road. (see also US-133, Blair High Road, Military Ave., NW Radial, Saddle Creek, and Cuming St.)
9. The Omaha interstate and highway system is intended primarily for cargo-bearing trucks and resident commuters. Any cars not bearing Omaha or Council Bluffs plates will be cut-off, boxed-in and caused to miss their exit.
10. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as: potholes, barricades, dogs, cats, cones, barrels, squirrels, rabbits, deer, pieces of other cars, raccoons, skunks, opossum, truck tires, horses, cows and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
11. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 mph in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a hazard and will be "flipped-off" accordingly.
12. The minimum acceptable speed on the JFK/MLK/I-480/US-75 (see above) is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Nebraska's version of NASCAR.
13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.
14. The seasons, Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter, are referred to here as Morning, Afternoon, Evening, and Night.
15. If it is below freezing and sleeting or snowing, then watch out. Omaha residents consider this "demolition derby day" and will be all over the roads (frontward, backward, etc.). Please proceed with caution as you could be the next target.
Once again, we would like to say, WELCOME TO OMAHA, NEBRASKA.