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Chris and I woke up at about 4 a.m., got ready and
put everything in the car. At the last minute we got Ian and wrapped him up in
his blanket. He was already dressed in sweats and was ready to go. He stayed
awake the entire way to San Luis Obispo. He never asked for a bottle or for anything to
eat. I was expecting him to want milk and for it to be a huge ordeal. We got to
the hospital and checked in at the Day Stay desk. As soon as we walked into the
office my eyes started to burn. I picked up the phone and called in, telling
them Ian was checking in. When I hung up the phone, my eyes immediately filled
with tears. They came and got us just 10 minutes later and we went into the
pre/post op room. Ian and I sat on the bed and Chris took the chair. The nurse
came over and took Ian's pulse and oxygen levels. Then she left the little
machine with us so he could play with it. He also got to go pick out treasures,
he chose a Pooh figurine. A few minutes later the nurse who stayed with him
through the surgery and the anesthesiologist came in. They both had kind eyes
and I was comfortable right away. The anesthesiologist was very gentle. He
explained everything and was honest as he told me I was right to have fears
since the risks are very real. I sat there watching him talk to us and for a
time I didn't hear him. I just watched, thinking how this person will have my
sons life in his hands. In my mind I told him 'you hold my sons life in your
hands, please keep him alive.' After I tuned back in I asked a few questions and
told him about Ian's asthma experience. We were then again left alone for a few
minutes. The (surgery) nurse came back over and told us it was time. I carried Ian and we walked out of pre-op and into the hallway to the "Hugs and Kisses Corner". I kissed Ian a few times then handed him over to Chris and he kissed him and squeezed him. He set him down to walk and I scooped him up again. Ian kept looking at the nurse as I set him down to walk. I told him to have fun, as he grasped the nurses finger she had been holding out. He was having an adventure. He seemed pretty excited about where he was going. As he and the nurse took a couple of steps to the operating room doorway I felt my soul leave my body. It started at my chest and went down my body through my feet. It could have been my angels holding me up and then once Ian needed them, they left me and went to Ian. Or it could have been that a part of me left and went to be with my son. It was a feeling I will never forget. We watched little Ian walk through the doors and watched them close. As soon as the slam (it's really a click) of the doors closing sounded Chris and I looked at each other and started to cry. My mouth was wide open. My mind began to run in circles. I couldn't believe I had just let my son walk through those doors with a total stranger. I couldn't believe I had just let my son go into a room where he'd be put under. We have no idea how he will react to anesthesia! What if it makes him sick? What if he doesn't wake up? What if he does, and he's not the same little boy??? I regained control after a few minutes and started walking. I told Chris there is no way I can sit in the surgery waiting room. The nurse had my cell number, she could call it if we were walking around. We walked the hospital. It only took 4 minutes. I thought, 'what the hell are we supposed to do for 26 minutes'!? I walked up and down the hallway 40 times. I went pee even though I didn't have to, just to make time go by. We knew it would be a half an hour surgery. And I don't have to say, it was a long 30 minutes. In that half an hour I thought about my family and my life. Things were so much clearer in those 30 minutes. Everything was so simple. I had reminded our angels to be there for Ian. Before his surgery I'd asked them to be there for Ian and to make sure the doctors and nurses involved were taken care of as well. I asked my Grandpa to be there to oversee everything, and for my Grandma M to comfort Ian. I asked Greg to play with him while he's asleep and for Dylan to play with them. Of course there is Chris' Grandpa and Aunt Lois. I know they were there. Between Chris and I, we have a good handful of special people. At about 7:30 (surgery started at 7) the phone in the waiting room rang. From the hallway, I could here, "Erin? No there's no Erin." Chris and I look at each other and his eyes got real big. We are so deep in our thoughts and worry that we didn't process what was being said. It must have been only a few seconds, although it seemed like forever, but I ran into the waiting room and blurted out "Yes, I'm Erin." She handed me the phone and it was the nurse who had walked Ian into the operating room. She said that the surgery is over and everything went great and Ian is doing just fine. She added that Dr. Henry will be out very shortly and after that, one of us will be able to get Ian.I went immediately to tell Chris. Both of us felt relief, but were still empty. We wanted to get our hands on Ian. I asked Chris "how in the hell are we supposed to pick who goes to get him"?? He shrugged his shoulders. Fifteen minutes later Dr. Henry came out and told us that Ian did great and he was stirring, but not yet awake. He told us that he didn't have a hernia after all, that it was a pouch of fluid in his scrotum. He said that they still would have had to do the surgery since the fluid was in it's own 'pouch' of skin. Processing all of this took longer than normal, but once we got it we were pretty happy. As he finished up the update he said he'd take one of us now to go get Ian. I started walking with the doctor, and Chris told me to go ahead and go. As I'm walking backward with the doctor I'm asking him if he is sure and telling him thank you and I love you. I go into the 'wake up' room and a nurse is holding Ian. He's wrapped up in a warm blanket. The nurse saw me and said, 'oh no... does this mean I have to give him up'? I scooped him up and went over to the rocking chair and rocked him for about 10 minutes. I could have stayed there with him forever. He was awake, but he was loopy. It was as if he had too much to drink. He was just the sweetest thing looking at me with these heavy puppy dog eyes. I felt so guilty Chris was missing all of this. Soon enough the nurse came over and told me I could take him through the hall to post op. We got Chris and went back to the pre/post op room, were we were originally. Ian was happy, but out of it. He was spoiled with toys and apple juice. Shortly after getting into the room Ian wanted his pulse monitor off. It was taped to his toe. I took it off. That wasn't a big deal. However him wanting the IV out was! He kept trying to take the non sticky tape off so he could get to the IV. We had to keep calming him down and trying to focus him on something else. Soon, they brought over a t.v. And we watched the better half of Finding Nemo, and then they let us go. We were told to treat him normally. He could have regular food and play time. We thanked everyone and they all said their good-byes to Ian. Everyone was so in awe of him. We got a lot of compliments on how well behaved he is and about his manners being so great for such a little guy. After we left we went to the cafeteria and got Ian jello. He ate that as if he hadn't eaten in days. I'm sure to him it felt like days. The last thing he'd had was milk at about 10 the night before. After that we went to Louisa's, a breakfast place in San Luis Obispo. He scarfed up an egg and toast, then had bites of mine and Chris' breakfast. He was a hungry little boy! On the drive home he finally fell asleep. Chris carried him into the house and laid him down with me. We fell asleep for about 2 hours. Later in the afternoon his doctor called. We told him Ian started to get agitated, so we gave him Motrin. Dr. Henry told us that was perfect timing, that the numbing medicine wears off about this time. He reminded us we have his home phone number and made sure we understood we were to use it if we had anything to ask, at any time day or night. Dr. Henry called again the next day to check on him, and again told us to call him at home. I love our small town! Call your doctor at home?? When do you get to do that? Ian was back to normal that same day. He was tired, but not crabby at all. We kept waiting for him to be in a bad mood from being so tired and going through all of this, but he was just normal Ian. He has two incisions now. One on his underwear line (to fix the hernia that ended up not being there) and the second is on his scrotum (to take out the fluid pouch). Both incisions have dissolving stitches underneath the skin. He won't let us get near them. He says 'no touch'. Yet he still tries to wrestle with Braden and he's running and jumping everywhere. It's only been a few days, but you'd never know anything went on. Well, with the exception of his incisions and the marker from Dr. Henry. It's amazing the amount of love we have inside. I know we love our kids. We love them with everything we have. There are times when that feeling is physical. For us this was one of those times. I will always have the image of little Ian walking through the operating room doors, holding on to the nurses finger, looking up at her. It will always be there, in my mind, reminding me of how lucky we are to have such great children. I am so blessed and I hope I never take a second of it for granted.
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